Lady of leisure (not)

I feel a little hysteric today, it seems that life is going full throttle on autopilot and a little out of control. I don’t have any specific work-deadlines, but there is a steady stream of work with no let up at all.  I tried taking the day off yesterday but felt very uncomfortable by the end of the day, I got back to work today.  My inefficiency and poor time management have reached new highs.  I was hoping to take next week off, but I already have two jobs that I must work on. One of them is the tech article for mobicip, and the other is a paper for a Chinese client.  The former would take a couple of hours, and the latter, perhaps a day, but they are there.  Maybe I will work on them over the weekend and take the week off.

I also feel like I am unable to find personal time and space to breathe.  There is always something to be done.  Someone to be taken care of, some chore awaiting.  “Leisure” has become a painful yearning inside me, and it feels like I would never be able to experience it ever again.

I went to my husband’s office today to work, because I really wanted a change of scene, and I found a glass painting I had made for him years ago.  Yeah, I have seen it before, but today I felt an intense longing to paint something like that again. I have been yearning for quite a few things in the past few days, and I really need to be able to do them sometime soon:

  • glass painting
  • do some colouring in the adult colouring book I have not touched in a  year
  • chant the Vishnu sahasranamam – not as much as a religious exercise, but as a mental exercise to sit by myself in one place and do something other than work.  Why sahasranamam?  Because it would take a good 25 minutes to chant it fully, and I want that much of uninterrupted time to myself.
  • meditation – the breath is going haywire. And I have not been able to meditate in a week.  The distraction is hormonal, but I really need to tame that beast.
  • finish reading Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency.  Am 50% done.  Would love to lie on the couch after lunch, read it in stupor and fall asleep right there. Ah, there’s that word again- leisure.

As I type this post, the kitten that drops in and out of our home is in front of me, telling me that this is what I need to do.  Will I take the hint?

cat

Crazy idea

I am having this crazy idea.  Take the week off. Tell all clients to go jump, so I can brush my teeth in the morning without simultaneously listing all the documents I need to work on for the day. Spend the days maybe meditating, sketching, painting, reading my kindle and throwing in a siesta for good measure?  Hmm…sounds divine.

I can’t fruitily the crazy idea because

(a) I’d kill my career – my clients work on deadlines and letting them down in the last minute would effectively alienate them.

(b) My brain would kill me without having something objective and tangible to hold on to.

Am I hanging on to a tiger’s tail?

Monday medley

The week started on a good note.  The kid awoke to her alarm, walked up to our room, got into my bed,  and fell asleep splat over me. It is wonderful to be awoken like that.  I let her stay that way, enjoying her warmth, stinky breath and ribs-being-crushed-by-a-13-year-old for five minutes before I got out of bed, bright, chirpy, and for once, not complaining about having to make breakfast.

Hopefully the endorphins will keep me going this week.

The week itself promises to be less frenzied than the past months have been.  I do have some annoying editing work (annoying because the documents are in management fields – science editing I love. Others, not so much), but can be carried out on autopilot and don’t need intense thinking.  My PMS is easing off as well, which means aunt Flo will arrive shortly. I have (hopefully) a week before I need to tackle a personal issue over next weekend. – I will worry about it on Friday.

Watched “First Wives’ Club” last night. A very black and white and stereotypical movie, but fairly easy watch for a Sunday night.

To work.

 

 

Surly Sunday

WordPress is getting on my nerves.  It keeps asking me if it can take up more space on my computer to install some database called calypso. I don’t want it to because the whole reason I am subscribing to all those charming wordpress blogs  is that they are in the net and do not hog my computer’s storage.  But by the time I have typed out these two sentences the annoying popup has irritated me thrice.  The solution is to clear my cache and saved history on my browser, but that would mean having to log into the many sites that I have running.  Besides, earlier, whenever this happened, and I cleared my cache, the annoying popup would not surface for at least  a week.  These days, a day is all the break I get before the popup appears and annoys the heck out of me. I am going to tag this post as “WordPress” so that if the wordpress designers is reading it, they would fix it for me (and possibly for others who are being driven nuts by the popup that just appeared for the seventh time already, good grief).  Wordpress, you are driving me crazy.

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My blessed hormones are completely out of control. Not only are the dreams giving me a migraine when I wake up, every wakeful moment is like a tsunami inside. To dissipate all that energy, and to remove the mental clutter, I decluttered my kitchen today in a state of frenzy.  But what bothers me terribly is that no amount of cleaning is making any difference because the stuff I have – the utensils, containers, gadgets – are all old by at least a decade.  They look dull.  Like I mentioned in an earlier post, my lack of self-compassion, which finds such lacklustre stuff domestic, homely and comforting in other people’s houses, looks ugly and depressing in mine.   And my inherently penny-pinching temperament (read: cheap) is preventing me from splurging on a new kitchen.

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I attempted some retail therapy – not that I enjoy shopping one bit, if any, it gets me more flustered with all the choices and the inherent indecision in me.  We had accumulated quite a few reward points on the credit card over the past few years and an insider from the bank warned us to use up the points before they go with the wind.  Since the rest of the family couldn’t find anything useful to buy, I was left to clutter my home with stuff I don’t need, just because someone was giving it to us for free (read: cheap). So, I ordered bedspreads/pillow cases (the ones we are lying on now have seen much better days), a lunch box for the kid (after all, the academic year is drawing to a close and I would need fresh school supplies for the new year), a few utensils and storage containers(hoping to replace the dull old ones that depress me, but I doubt if they will – the dullness is inside me, not outside),  and with a few tens of points left over, a couple of dozen pens (after all, pens are so important for a family of writers, who don’t hand-write anymore).

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The week begins tomorrow and my vegetable rack is stark naked.  Our local shopping centre is closed on Sundays, and I am in no mood to go shopping for vegetables today.  My creativity will be tested tomorrow for making breakfast and lunch with the mismatched items I have in my pantry.

Inefficiency, is thy name Gobblefunkist !

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And let’s not even go into politics today.  The migraine from morning has just reduced to a dull headache.  We don’t want to pop a vein now.

 

 

 

Flusshhhhhhhh

…and we are in the sewer.

I wish I could use bad words here.

What happened to the lakhs and lakhs of people who fought over a game involving bulls?

I wish I had the guts to get down on the road and fight. Bloody coward I am. I give up.

And the crappy weekend begins..

…with a hormone-sourced migraine and intense palpitations.  Will there ever be an end to this hormonal see-saw every month?  It seems so unfair that for an activity that needs two genders – procreation – one pays a price every month for decades and the other gets away scot free. If there is a creationist God, he is definitely male.

The vote-of-confidence is at 11 AM in our state assembly.  You may keep your hand on the flush lever on the ready and drain our state down the sewer at 11 IST, because that’s where we are going to belong for the next four years of our miserable lives.

I am gearing up for a painful personal meeting in the afternoon.  Not a good day to be PMSsing.

The one good (?!) PMS reaction for today was sobbing at the video posted by Carol.

If there is a single nice thing about being a woman, I am missing it.

This and that…

Remember how I whooped a couple of days ago about the political situation not going down the toilet in my state?  I was premature.  While a disaster was averted by the supreme court, it could not stop another mishap yesterday – the puppet of the evil lady who went to jail, became the chief minister.  I was nauseated all of yesterday and kept avoiding thinking about it.  Tomorrow’s call for confidence vote could potentially seal our fate or liberate us somewhat.  I fear that it would be the former because of the rigidness of democratic guidelines.  I feel very nervous.  As is my entire state, I suspect.

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I am sipping Twinning’s Earl Grey tea as I write.  I love it.  It has been more than a year since I had this tea, because it is fairly expensive, and I always put it in my basket at the aisle only to cancel it from the bill at the counter.  I am cheap that way.

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Just in, a comedy of errors.  I have been translating some official documents from English to Tamil for a local client.  I thought I was done with that job, but the chap called me and said he was sending me another document.  I automatically translated the document (spent an hour on translation) and sent it to him.  I get a mail from him a couple of minutes back saying that he only needed my signature in the document, which was an attestation that I have translated the earlier documents, for filing purposes.  I would have been very annoyed with him for not telling me what to do when he sent the document, had the situation not been so hilarious !

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I got a new Kindle paper white as a gift for Valentine’s day from my family.  So cute, no?  I really needed it.  A single Kindle was being volleyed between the husband and me for the past month.  I suspect he got it more to get my paws off his device.  I ain’t complaining

The first book I started reading on my new Kindle is Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency. I had read this once many many years ago, and had forgotten how I loved it.  I am rediscovering the glory of wry humour in the book.  It is a welcome relief from Lord of the Rings that I have been struggling with for the past month and a half.  It started off well enough, but I suspect I am too old for fantasy.  At least for now.

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I keep mentioning the technology-related articles I write for a client.  I didn’t have the courageto own it here until now.  I write articles for a client’s blog  – the blog entries are teasers for the articles that are published in HuffPost under the name of the CEO, with co-credit to me. (the “co” is silent).  Some of the blog entries are general, while some turn out more cerebral than required for a blog, like last week’s.  So if you are interested in technology related topics, do drop by and read them.  While you are there, you may consider “liking” the HuffPost article if you have FB, if only to up my stock with the client.Even if you are not interested in technology related topics, your presence and like will be much appreciated !

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Watched Queen of Katwe yesterday.  I cried.  The last time I cried for a movie before last night was for the last song (“Little Wonders“) in Meet the Robinsons, many years ago.  Either PMS time, or am getting soft in the head.

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Choppy weekend ahead.  Hope I handle it well.

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Happy weekend folks.