Mind cleansing

I follow a meditation blogger, whom I find very useful to turn to when my mind runneth over with crap.  He does not write too often, but when he writes, I feel that he writes for  me.  I re-read many of his essays when disturbed and it helps me deal with my turbulence.  Occasionally, he would publish a post just on the day I need it most.  Like today.

Having been caught in an unusually strong attack of PMS,  and having scrubbed and dusted the house until I could not hold a duster any longer, I turned on my own body and could not find one thing nice about it – heaviness, cellulite, pain, and more importantly, no amount of scrubbing was making my skin clean enough – a sure sign of a kick-ass hormonal party.  Just when I was wondering how much longer I was going to have to put up with this before the blessed deliverance, I saw that my blogger had posted about cleaning up the world from the inside.  Reading it gave me the “aha” that usually accompanies reading any of his posts – that what is inside is all that shows outside.  My intense need to clean coincides with the time that my brain is filled with garbage of thoughts.  The more the garbage, the greater the urge to clean outside of me, while the way to go is to clean the inside of me.  My head.

I know how I should go about it – the breath, but will I be able to when struggling in the whirlpool of hormones that has me in its core?  It is so easy in this whirlpool to blame everything on anything outside of me – an aggravating relative, the weather, the body pain, my hormones – when all I need to do is to count, one breath at a time.

One.breath.at.a.time.

 

 

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3 thoughts on “Mind cleansing

  1. Hangaku Gozen

    I hope you feel better by now, LG. I’m beyond PMS now, but I can remember the pain and tortured thoughts that came with it. One thing I learned was to be kind to oneself. You wouldn’t scold and curse out a child who was crying in pain, so why do it to oneself?

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    1. LG

      The end of the tunnel is still a bit further down, but I am pretty sure it is there – so just breathing it through.
      Thanks HG. I don’t think many women ( at least the ones I know ) talk about PMS, so I don’t know if they experience the hell or not. So, I often feel like I am the only one going through this crap. It’s good to know that you can relate. But even better to know that at some point it will go away completely. Can’t wait for that to happen.

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      1. Hangaku Gozen

        I don’t know if it’s an Asian thing, but my mother and aunts never talked about their periods or cramps or any of the symptoms of PMS. I knew my mother suffered, because she would be just hell to live with the week before her period. Menopause can be difficult too: my periods became exceptionally heavy during the final year, as if they were aware this was their last hurrah. I had to use extra large pads and “super” tampons together to make sure I didn’t spring a leak. (And no white pants or skirts during that time, either!) The cramps seemed to increase in pain as well: there were days where I could barely stand up. Or sit down. There was no appeasing them!

        (That was my experience, mind you. You may have it a lot easier than me. Also, the hot flashes that plagued my friends never happened to me, maybe because I eat so much soy based foods.)

        One huge bonus was the disappearance of my monthly migraines. I knew they were caused by hormonal surges, but I was surprised at how I seldom ever get headaches now. Tension and sinus headaches on occasion, yes, but no migraines!

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