If you are looking to start the week with a chirpy, positive and happy-happy-joy-joy kinda post, I suggest you look elsewhere because there is going to be a lot of bichin’ from here on.
- I haven’t been sleeping well – I am in bed for longer than usual, but my sleep is infested with dreams. This morning, I woke up and went about my duty, and released that it had been a dream, so I woke up, went about my duties, and realised that it had been a dream within a dream, and then I woke up to go about my duties, to realise that this had been a dream within a dream within a dream, at which point, the ridiculousness hit me, and I really woke up feeling thrice as miserable as Calvin. Or at least I hope I woke up, and am not writing this blog post in another dream. I also dreamt that I was going to an unknown place, getting lost in a scary building, writing exams that I had not prepared for, losing stuff, walking around naked in a public place….name it, I was there. I really need to be straightjacketed.
- As with most people in this world, I have many faults (gasp ! really?! who would’ve thought !). My predominant of faults is that I underestimate the amount of work involved in things. I had promised to help a friend with her pet project, and thought it would take 2 hours of my life. It took 2 hours to just get the preliminaries out of the way. Now, the problem is that my friend is clueless on how to proceed and depends on me and I don’t have the luxury of time to invest in this project. Saying no does not come naturally to me, and in this case, I was excited about the project before I knew how much work this involved. What complicates matters is that I have an apple MAC, which does not interphase well with Windows programs, and she has a buggy Windows machine, which takes forever for even a keystroke to register. So, I am in a situation that makes me a little nauseated.
- The North East Monsoon has failed miserably this year in our side of the world. This is the only season that waters us through the following year. Having been through some heavy-duty famines in the past, I shudder at the thought of the next year. The weather has gotten chilly too (which is probably hot as hell for most of the readers of this blog living in temperate and arctic zones..but for us, it is chilly) and chilly weather makes me sluggish, I have trouble waking up (without dreaming about waking up multiple times).
- My kid’s friends are visiting this evening. Normally, I am fine with that. Today, for some reason, I am irritated. I don’t want to be responsible for people’s food today. And I am in no mood to listen to giggles and Taylor Swift. The woman writes brilliant songs but has no music in her. I warned you that I was in a bitchin’ mood, didn’t I?
- A third person told me today that I have put on a lot of weight. I know I have, but didn’t realise it was enough for people to take notice and comment. I have been, for nearly a month, trying to lose weight through a combination of diet, which gives me constant migraines, and exercise, which makes my body constantly sore. Men are lucky b*&@$@! – all they have to do are a few push ups and they are back in shape in no time. All pushups would give me if I tried, would be uterine hernia or something. The end result is that I am annoyed all the time. I don’t want my 30’s back but I would be happy if I could get back the 30s body that would listen to me. Or at least a better body image. I not only feel useless and inefficient, but ugly too – oh joy.
- The rest of the week does not look like it is going to get any better.There are some chores to be taken care of in the bank, and I hate those chores even in the best of moods.
You’d think this was PMS times, but it isn’t. Nothing to hide behind, no excuses for my bitchiness except the inherent me in all my gory glory, fuelled by Kafka dreams, constant hunger and the tyre of doom around my midsection. I am writing this post with the hope that I vent out the pressure here, instead of on loved ones. I usually don’t – I am very guarded with words when I am disturbed, but the pressure builds until the waterworks start.
I am in no mood for the waterworks either.