Songs that make me cry: 9-Dec-2016

I started writing this post four times and deleted them because I was terrified that it would send me down the rabbit hole of grief again.  I am re-starting the fifth time, not sure if it will see the light of day.  If you are reading it, it means I overcame the emotional block to write about it, which means there is hope for me yet.

I always thought I am a very pragmatic and emotionally cold person. So it surprised the hell out of me that my grandmother’s death on Jan 17th this year hit me so hard.  Almost a year later, I still feel the nondescript pain in the chest region when I think of her.  But at least I am not hyperventilating with grief, that must be a good thing.

What has that got to do with a song to make me cry?

In her last week alive, my grandmother was admitted in a hospital, in which the elevator music was the instrumental rendition of a song by The Carpenters that I have heard, liked and in fact, sung myself in various inter-college events in the past.  I have always maintained that the best way to kill a favorite song is to use it as a ring tone on the cell phone.  I add another caveat to that – use it as elevator music, especially in a hospital in which your loved one died, and you have essentially killed that song in you. I wrote to the hospital director (who is also my work-client) asking him to get rid of the elevator music because it is very annoying.  I haven’t been to the hospital since, so don’t know if they took my suggestion or not.

A couple of weeks back, I was listening to music, under random sort, which my daughter had stored under “Amma’s kitchen songs” in her iPod, when I was cooking (duh !) and this song came up.  The stomach gave a violent lurch and I pulled off the headphone and flung it across the kitchen in abject panic.  Some day, I will be able to listen to this song without going into a panic attack, but it will always be associated with my grandmother and the miserable week in January.

Yesterday once more  by The Carpenters

When I was young I’d listen to the radio
Waitin’ for my favorite songs
When they played I’d sing along, it made me smile

Those were such happy times and not so long ago
How I wondered where they’d gone
But they’re back again just like a long lost friend
All the songs I loved so well

Every sha-la-la-la
Every wo-o-wo-o, still shines
Every shing-a-ling-a-ling, that they’re startin’ to sing’s, so fine

When they get to the part
Where he’s breakin’ her heart
It can really make me cry, just like before
It’s yesterday once more

Lookin’ back on how it was in years gone by
And the good times that I had
Makes today seem rather sad, so much has changed.

It was songs of love that I would sing to then
And I’d memorize each word
Those old melodies still sound so good to me
As they melt the years away

Every sha-la-la-la
Every wo-o-wo-o, still shines
Every shing-a-ling-a-ling, that they’re startin’ to sing’s so fine

All my best memories come back clearly to me
Some can even make me cry, just like before
It’s yesterday once more

Every sha-la-la-la
Every wo-o-wo-o, still shines
Every shing-a-ling-a-ling, that they’re startin’ to sing’s so fine

Every sha-la-la-la
Every wo-o-wo-o, still shines
Every shing-a-ling-a-ling

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3 thoughts on “Songs that make me cry: 9-Dec-2016

  1. The V Pub

    I haven’t heard that song in quite some time. The power of music can’t be overstated. It brings us back to the time when we heard it and the emotions we felt come rushing back. Bridge over Troubled Water is like that for me. I remember playing it for my mom after my dad has passed away to let her know that I’d always be there for her. Now, it’s so emotionally overwhelming for me to listen to.

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  2. momto2cuddlebugs

    This is so very true, Lak. Music does bring back associations (good and bad) with a jolt. I wrote a version of this post on my blog a couple of years back. When my dad was in the hospital, I heard the hospital staff sing the “Apollo Anthem” every day. I randomly landed on it on youtube a couple of years after Appa passed away, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. Another time, only a few days after Appa had passed away, me, my sis and N were at the place where they perform the extended last rites ceremonies. A car parked there reversed and for some reason had loud music playing when it reversed. It was my dad’s cell phone’s ring tone. My heart just stopped. I stood there for several minutes staring at that car reversing. I turned away after a few minutes and even though we didn’t talk about it, I noticed that my sister had been doing the same thing.

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