Lady of leisure (not)

I feel a little hysteric today, it seems that life is going full throttle on autopilot and a little out of control. I don’t have any specific work-deadlines, but there is a steady stream of work with no let up at all.  I tried taking the day off yesterday but felt very uncomfortable by the end of the day, I got back to work today.  My inefficiency and poor time management have reached new highs.  I was hoping to take next week off, but I already have two jobs that I must work on. One of them is the tech article for mobicip, and the other is a paper for a Chinese client.  The former would take a couple of hours, and the latter, perhaps a day, but they are there.  Maybe I will work on them over the weekend and take the week off.

I also feel like I am unable to find personal time and space to breathe.  There is always something to be done.  Someone to be taken care of, some chore awaiting.  “Leisure” has become a painful yearning inside me, and it feels like I would never be able to experience it ever again.

I went to my husband’s office today to work, because I really wanted a change of scene, and I found a glass painting I had made for him years ago.  Yeah, I have seen it before, but today I felt an intense longing to paint something like that again. I have been yearning for quite a few things in the past few days, and I really need to be able to do them sometime soon:

  • glass painting
  • do some colouring in the adult colouring book I have not touched in a  year
  • chant the Vishnu sahasranamam – not as much as a religious exercise, but as a mental exercise to sit by myself in one place and do something other than work.  Why sahasranamam?  Because it would take a good 25 minutes to chant it fully, and I want that much of uninterrupted time to myself.
  • meditation – the breath is going haywire. And I have not been able to meditate in a week.  The distraction is hormonal, but I really need to tame that beast.
  • finish reading Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency.  Am 50% done.  Would love to lie on the couch after lunch, read it in stupor and fall asleep right there. Ah, there’s that word again- leisure.

As I type this post, the kitten that drops in and out of our home is in front of me, telling me that this is what I need to do.  Will I take the hint?

cat

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9 thoughts on “Lady of leisure (not)

  1. Maha

    I too feel the same way. I want some leisure time but don’t see one on the horizon. I am also a bit annoyed that I am craving for leisure because most of what I am doing is things that I like doing. Work too is interesting. I guess I am just plain lazy. I am bored of the sameness of the routine. I love Sahsaranam but can’t keep up with MS and by the time I string the letters with rudimentary Sanskrit reading skills, I am exasperated. Although I don’t understand the language, I loved the play of words in Sahasranamam and the challenge of practicing it. I hope you get to sneak in some time here and there for your adult coloring.

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    1. gobblefunkist Post author

      The Chinese client just threw a challenge at me – he said “make my paper good enough to be accepted by [a top tier journal] , I will pay you [an obscene amount of money]”. While the money is not the driver for me, the challenge is. There go my next week plans.

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  2. suchi9

    Please finish the Dirk Gently 🙂 and please read the Long dark Tea Time of the Soul when you have finished that one ! The time spent on them would be so worth it…..

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  3. Carol

    Often those “things to be done” will be there, waiting, if you ignore for some time for yourself. Often those “things to be done” are not critically in need of your attention right now, today, or even tomorrow. Often your mental health is more important than those “things to be done”.

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  4. ss

    Many of us, including me are in this trap as we now have full control or semi control of our work time and leisure time and are unable to manage it well. And there are so many things to choose from, which causes a lot of distraction for me. A blessing and a curse.

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