Isn’t it amazing how much the chemicals surging (or not surging) through the brain can alter a human being’s perception of the world, of joys and sorrows? If there is a God, he is definitely a chemical entity in the brain. I have a week, ten days tops, left of this relative tranquility before hell’s doors would open inch-by-inch and suck me into the fiery vortex of crap. And now, in my chemical equilibrium, every time I feel some joy surge through my being and fill my brain with my sanctuary-word “Krishna” (e.g. when my neighbour’s kid tells me she did her Tamil exam well because of my tutoring, or when I bite into the peanuts in a snickers bar, or when I feel the first splash of cold water from the shower ), I immediately follow it with “This too shall pass”. I wonder if I am being pathetic in not even enjoying happiness in fear of the unhappiness that visits like clockwork.
On a spiritual note I may be just about beginning to understand the difference between pain and suffering. I still have a long way to disconnect the two (if that is even possible) but understand I can. Which is a long distance travelled already for me.
Summer has begun in its glory in this part of the world. This year is forecast to be a particularly torturous summer all over the world, and in our zip code where the mildest summer can be excruciating, I shudder to even imagine what it would be like. For the past 4-5 summers, we survived without switching on the air conditioning at our house because I strongly believe that the hypothalamus is best left alone without artificial conditioning, but I wonder if we will this year considering that it was sweltering yesterday, and it is just the start of March yet.
After to-and-fro mental arguments, I eventually attended a coffee-meet with my high school classmates. I was hesitant because very often such meets become an “I-am-better-than-you” showing off fest. Yesterday was a surprising exception, the woman who stole the show, was the most incorrigible, irreverent woman I have known and I laughed two hours straight at her completely censor-worthy innuendos and jokes that I was light headed for the rest of the evening – there was a ten minute conversation just on the various outcomes of the word “balls” that cannot be reproduced in mixed company. I have never even exchanged a “hi” with this woman when we were in school – I was a nerdy prick and she the irreverent cool one even then, our circles never intersected, but at midlife, I am still nerdy and she irreverent, but she is like a breath of fresh air to me. The fun of yesterday could also be because of the absence of a couple of women who usually attend this, and who drive me crazy by their air kissing and one-upping attitudes – perhaps I am just jealous of them, these two are models and sexy as hell. Still looks aren’t everything no? NO?
Have a great week folks.