Some decisions in life are easy, some are nothing remotely so. I am currently in the middle of one such life-decision, in which whatever I decide, there are going to be losses. How do you compare one loss to another and say “this loss is better than that?”. A loss is a loss, period, and the dull ache that it leaves in the bottom of the stomach is very real.
This is the decision I have been fearing for more than year now. I had been putting off making it, but we’ve reached a stage where it must be made. The crux of the matter is that I now have inherited my ancestral bungalow, which is a beautiful, large house in the centre of the city, and I must decide if I should move my family into it or not. From the outside, it seems like a no-brainer – it is an independent bungalow in the heart of the city, why would you not move, especially if it is going to be an upgrade from this tiny (but beautiful) rental apartment we live in now? For one, the commute to the kid’s school and the better-half’s work place would be painful. Besides, much as it is the house I grew up in, I absolutely love where I live now – it is wooded, safe, and I have a great social life here. The family is divided as well. One wants to move very badly, and the other categorically refuses, and I am in the middle trying to make some sense of this and not feel guilty about either decision. Add an ageing father to the mix and I am constantly nauseated it seems. Ironically, the decision to pack up our life in America and move to India was easier than this decision to move from one part of the same town to the other.
The dull pain at the bottom of my stomach is either tension or my adenomyosis acting up again. I hope it is the latter, it can be fixed with medicines.
We have tickets to go to the in-laws home town this weekend. With these tremors…will we or will we not?
There, rant over.