Messy thoughts

Some decisions in life are easy, some are nothing remotely so.   I am currently in the middle of one such life-decision, in which whatever I decide, there are going to be losses.  How do you compare one loss to another and say “this loss is better than that?”.  A loss is a loss, period, and the dull ache that it leaves in the bottom of the stomach is very real.

This is the decision I have been fearing for more than year now.  I had been putting off making it, but we’ve reached a stage where it must be made.  The crux of the matter is that I now have inherited my ancestral bungalow, which is a beautiful, large house in the centre of the city, and I must decide if I should move my family into it or not. From the outside, it seems like a no-brainer – it is an independent bungalow in the heart of the city, why would you not move, especially if it is going to be an upgrade from this tiny (but beautiful) rental apartment we live in now? For one, the commute to the kid’s school and the better-half’s work place would be painful.  Besides, much as it is the house I grew up in, I absolutely love where I live now – it is wooded, safe, and I have a great social life here.  The family is divided as well. One wants to move very badly, and the other categorically  refuses, and I am in the middle trying to make some sense of this and not feel guilty about either decision. Add an ageing father to the mix and I am constantly nauseated it seems. Ironically, the decision to pack up our life in America and move to India was easier than this decision to move from one part of the same town to the other.

The dull pain at the bottom of my stomach is either tension or my adenomyosis acting up again. I hope it is the latter, it can be fixed with medicines.

We have tickets to go to the in-laws home town this weekend.  With these tremors…will we or will we not?

There, rant over.

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13 thoughts on “Messy thoughts

    1. gobblefunkist Post author

      I have no emotional ties to the house, so I don’t mind selling, but it is way too valuable (in material terms that is) to be gotten rid of.
      Oh, we rent a house in a university township. All houses belong to the university, and are not for sale !

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  1. Maha

    Best wishes with whatever decision you take. While not the same circumstance, we had to make a property decision w.r.t. my mil. It was not as hard because we knew what amma wanted, nobody was really there to maintain the property… the emotional attachment was there which is why we didn’t take any action for more than 5 years. But my sil did wrap it up last year and it was such a relief.

    On a somewhat related note, the latest Ted Radio Hour was on Decision making. http://www.npr.org/programs/ted-radio-hour/519264798/decisions-decisions-decisions. May be the third talk will help? Not necessarily with this decision, but how to think when placed in hard circumstances.

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    1. momto2cuddlebugs

      Maha, I was going to recommend the same NPR radio hour talk!! Lak, good luck with your decision. It is indeed a tough call. Btw, I was curious, is it the kid that really wants to move and the dude doesn’t or vice versa? I am curious. 🙂

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    2. gobblefunkist Post author

      Strangely, I don’t have any emotional attachment to that place. It is of tremendous monetary value though – imagine a bungalow in the heart of T.Nagar.
      That aside, we are leaning towards letting dad live there and we continue as is, at least until V finishes school.

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      1. Maha

        My mil’s house was in KKNagar, it was a not a bunglaw but a really nice house in the heart of the city. The 5 years that we dilly dallyed and let the house deteriorate, the land value appreciated a whole lot. With time, it’s not as much as the house, but land that brings the monetary value.

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    1. gobblefunkist Post author

      When the heart is at loggerheads with the brain, it gets really messy.
      But looks like we are nearing a decision that is led by my gut. I don’t know if it is a smart decision to make, but the gut is very persuasive.

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  2. Hangaku Gozen

    If you’re happy with your current residence, I’d suggest you sell the ancestral home and use the money you get out of the sale to invest for retirement or your daughter’s education, especially if you want her to study abroad. Just because a house is mortgage-free and was your grandparents’ doesn’t mean it’ll be a good place to live.

    But here I am, pelting you with advice and probably not helping you at all. Just don’t let anxiety over this decision eat you up. I’ve been there, and it’s not worth the sleepless nights.

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    1. gobblefunkist Post author

      Selling is not an option at the moment, but we are leaning towards just having my father care take it by living there (with ample hired help) and waiting a few more years (until V completes school) to decide what to do with it. Not sure if that is a sensible decision, and not everyone in the house is happy with it, but deep inside, I feel this is the best. Lets hope I am right.

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