I have made the decision to stay where we are now and let my father take care of my inheritance as long as he lives. I am not ecstatic about the decision because I can already anticipate the ways in which it will turn back and bite me. I am also being incredibly selfish in this decision, I know. But sometimes one must wear her own oxygen mask before helping others with theirs.
When my grandfather was in coma and on life support a couple of decades ago and it was left to me to make the decision to take him off life support or keep him on it indefinitely, I was relieved after I decided to let him go, despite the fact that my decision resulted in the death of another human being . I feel no such relief with this decision because I know the losses that come from it – the fact that my septuagenarian father would live alone in that big house (with hired help of course), that my own family would miss out living in a large independent house. But my gut says that this is what would be good, not only in the homeostatis that it offers, but in practical terms – easier and shorter commute, better social life, my work, comfortable distance from extended family and independence to my father for as long as he can take care of himself. Maybe I am being short sighted, but the future always takes care of itself when it becomes the present, and so making uncomfortable changes now for a possibly comfortable future is not my comfort zone. Perhaps I am wrong. Only time will tell.
We have tickets to go to my husband’s home town for the weekend. He is not keen on going, but I want to go, because I have withdrawals about visiting that temple – it has been a year since I visited it – the temple is my sanctuary. Besides, I need a break it seems, both from work-work and from my domestic responsibilities. And some me-time in the temple to up my meditation schedule and organise my thoughts and emotions. The kid is also looking forward to the break, so we may leave the chap behind and go.
My lower stomach is still bunched up and hurts. I wonder if it is the heat (Lord, it’s hot), or my stress levels, or something more physical – I had adenomysosis a few years ago, but I don’t have all the symptoms now…just the stomach discomfort. Perhaps I should see my gyn when I return.