TGIS

S being Sunday.  I am so done with this weekend. Give me Monday.  And work.

I learn today that the uncle who shocked me by his untimely death on Friday, had committed suicide. I can’t wrap my head around this one bit.  This chap was a very successful doctor in a large town, had pots of money, a very smart wife…..no children, but I wonder if that would be disturbing enough for a 59 year old man to kill himself. I hear from the grapevine that he had been disturbed for a few months now due to setbacks at work, but seriously – why must someone’s work be connected to his survival instinct?  I don’t know if I should be angry or sad.

It really bothers me when I hear of people committing suicide.  When I was a teenager, two of my friends committed suicide for stupid reasons.  One was our maid’s daughter- my age, but who had married early (~16, yes illegal), who burned herself because she had a fight with her husband.  Another was not quite a friend, but a neighbour, whom I occasionally chatted with, but I didn’t quite get along with – she and her boyfriend drank pesticides and died because their families wouldn’t agree to their union.  Bollocks.

I live in a university township where there are college kids that periodically hang themselves from the ceiling fan because they didn’t get good grades, or failed, ,or were spurned by their crush or whatever stupid reason.  It burns me up.  I very uncharitably want to say “good riddance” to them.  A 16 year old who used to be my neighbour and who I have seen grow up, killed herself last month because she had a spat with her boyfriend.

I don’t get it.  I just don’t.

This uncle of mine who bit the dust was a doctor.  A brilliant doctor. I don’t get how and why he could not see the symptoms of depression in himself and seek help.  I will never know.

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20 thoughts on “TGIS

  1. Carol

    Suicide makes me sad in that someone felt driven to that extreme. Suicide makes me angry because it is really the “easy” way out, a permanent solution to a temporary problem, and wreaks havoc on all who are left behind. Selfish, I think. I cannot think how this reconciles with the saying that “God never gives you more than you can handle” – what is true?

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      1. Laksh

        I understand. Of late, have been talking to two people with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and the one thing I realize is that all I can do is listen and try and understand. The way the chemical imbalances in their head messes with their thinking is something I cannot comprehend. How do we blame someone when they have no control over how their bodies work? End result, I feel a deep sadness.

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  2. The V Pub

    I’m sorry for your loss, LG. I can’t understand suicide. Life offers so much to live for, that it’s terribly sad that life seems so desperately wrong for those who choose to end it.

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  3. Maha

    My condolences LG. In a recent seminar held in our town, I learnt that there is an underlying mental illness behind majority of suicide deaths, and it’s normally a trigger event that pushes folks it to the extreme. My prayers to the family members left behind. Take care of yourself too, since it hits close to home.

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    1. Gobblefunkist Post author

      In a way, I identified with this uncle. We both were the shy, introverted, awkward, wallflowers of the family. We have never spoken more than a few words to each other, but we shared a bond that comes from being the quiet ones in a rather rowdy family.
      Thank you.

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  4. SS

    I witnessed the suicide of our neighbor’s 23 year old daughter 2 years ago while visiting India. Our families have known each other for 40 years or so. She left behind parents who are only in their 40’s with a lifetime of sorrow and guilt for what they should or should not have done. For the mere fact that she could not handle the disappointment and heartache of her fairy tale wedding being dissolved in a few months. She had her entire family with both her grandmothers staying with her at the time rooting for her and supporting her. In her 3rd day ceremony one of the guests even spoke about how we are raising pampered kids today who cannot handle failure and disappointment.

    Of course this does not represent the vast majority of suicide that is tied to mental health. But I too felt very disappointed with her decision. Her problem definitely had a solution. Time would have healed her. Maybe her family didn’t realize how suicidal she was even though they were trying their best to help her.

    I can never forget this incident, because of what her parents must live with for the rest of their lives. She didn’t realize that she was punishing them.

    So sorry for your aunt and your family LG.

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  5. leendadll

    I deal with recurrent bouts of clinical depression and constant “generalized anxiety”. It doesn’t take much to send me into mental state of “better off dead.” I’ve never gotten so bad off as to try it but I did, about 20 yrs ago, get to the point of not actively participating in preventing my death (wouldn’t swerve to avoid a car that had crossed lanes; if I had been attacked I wouldn’t have fought back). Unfortunately, when clinical depression hits it can become impossible to see a way out… drugs and talk therapy seem pointless until you try them and they start helping. But trying them takes optimism or hope or any other vaguely positive outlook and that can be impossible to see. And the last time I took meds, they made me “rapid cycle” so that I’d often contemplate suicide up to 6 times on every commute home. I finally figure out to stop taking the meds.

    Even now I sometimes only stay alive to ensure my cats have good lives.

    I’m sorry you lost friends and loved ones.

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    1. Gobblefunkist Post author

      I have been through some really bad depression phases in life where I was desperate and wanted help. A few steps over and I might have crossed over to the despondency stage, so I can sort of understand how mental illness can lead to irrational behavior. In all my cases however, people were not clinically depressed. They merely took the easy way out when they faced a setback in life. That irritates me.

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