Monthly Archives: August 2017

And this too is passing

I must be getting over my spell of panic/melancholia of the weekend. I made the carpool kids cringe today and made a bunch of people in an online forum, who take themselves too seriously, laugh.  I am a little angry that my disturbance has passed and life has resumed, because if this is all there is to this, no wonder that there are atrocities being committed all the time. I don’t know how my being upset would fix the world, but it seems unfair for me to go on with my life.  The survivor guilt?

That aside, our home has been a mess.  We have been re-organizing/refitting the home and replacing furniture, some new, some ancient, with custom made furniture.  The carpenters have been at work for the past few days in our back yard, and I have been making cauldrons of tea for them every now and then.  Apart from that, my house guests arrive tomorrow, the work is not completed yet, and I am beginning to freak out.  The sudden heavy spell of rains outside right now (which, is welcome, given that I have been cribbing so much about the current water problem in my area) has put a damper in the already slow-moving work.

Ideally, there isn’t much I can do.  Might as well sit back and enjoy the chaos, because it can only get better from here.  Or not.  At least my kitchen is spotless.

That’s that.

 

70

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high
Where knowledge is free
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments
By narrow domestic walls
Where words come out from the depth of truth
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way
Into the dreary desert sand of dead habit
Where the mind is led forward by thee
Into ever-widening thought and action
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father,
Let my country awake.

– Rabindranath Tagore

Misery

If I have remained silent these past days, it is only because I have been in paralyzing shock.  The kind that makes you want to roll over and cease to exist.

My neighbor’s maid’s 18 year old son raped a 12 year old girl and attacked her so badly that she is in hospital now, struggling.  The bastard has been arrested and given 7-years, which in my opinion is too little.  Castrate the bastard and shove his penis down his throat is the kindest thing I can say about this.  I don’t know the 12-year old victim, but every time I think of her, my system shuts down in panic.  As it is doing now.  I have not stopped hugging my daughter at every possible opportunity to the extent that she is irritated with me, but I can’t help it.  I wish I could send her back into my womb where she will be safe.  I hate a world that his can happen.  I hate it hate it hate it.  I wish the human race would just go extinct.  We are not worth the earth.

In order to stop myself from breaking down completely, I deep cleaned the kitchen, because I needed to NOT think about this.  And walked and walked and walked until my legs became numb and I got calluses all over my feet. Tomorrow we celebrate (ha) the seventieth year of independence to my country and never have I felt that we are in a deeper and darker hole than now.  I know I have always claimed to love my country. In fact, I do love it, and it breaks my heart to see my country raped by its decadent people.

I don’t know where we are heading.  I feel so lost and hopeless.

Grammar question

“A predicts B significantly”.

Is it grammatically correct to have the adverb “significantly” at the end of the sentence, rather than  before the verb “predicts”?

I keep wondering if it should be “A significantly predicts B”.

Please clarify.  Thank you.

Moderation

There is something called over-working-out, as I have realised the hard way.  The past few days I have been clocking in increasing minutes of gym work out, in addition to longer walks in the neighbourhood.  I have been consistently walking 10 km every day for the past week, and my body is beginning to complain.  Every day I decide to take a break, I am overcome with a fear of failure – how can I give up – even when I tell myself that I am not giving up, but just taking a break.  So, I am putting it out here in the open so that I have some accountability – I am taking today off workout in respect to my sore muscles and aching joints.

Meanwhile, in my excuse-of-a-garden today:

Gossamer wings flap
To birdsong in wilderness
A storm brews afar.

Essay

The 11th grader in the carpool: Our English teacher gives us the most cheesy topics to write essays about.

Inhouse-kid:  Tell me about it.  We were asked to write about “The heart perceives what the eyes can’t see”. Eww.

Mom: You should write about the ant that bit your butt.  Your heart perceived it, your eyes didn’t see it !

Kid:  This is why I see a dark future ahead of me.