Long post. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
I have a temporary breather today, because of my own fault. I had misunderstood the next deadline as being on December 14th and was beginning to panic, and realised that the deadline is only on December 19th. I gain five full days. So, I can take the rest of Sunday easy and relax. After a really long time.
Another good thing I discovered was that the deadline after this one, is only on January 8th, and so I can enjoy the Christmas weekend with my friend who will be staying with me for a couple of days, without the nagging feeling of an impending deadline that I should be working on instead. This friend visited me last year as well, and while I did get very tired at the end of the visit (I am an introvert; socialization tires me), and my first feeling was “oh no” when she said she would be visiting me, I rallied around. She is a very good and affectionate person, and while she may rattle off nonstop, she means absolutely no harm. Besides, I suspect that she is very stressed in her professional and family lives, and this visit is catharsis for her, and gives her the break she needs. Always willing to oblige a friend.
I did someone a favor this past week, in the middle of my deadline-addled frenzy. I get nothing, absolutely nothing, for it, and in fact, it was a little painful for me to do it (I hate it when I read other blogs where they say something cryptic without explaining – makes me want to throw my hand in the air and say “what the heck do you expect me to say if you are going to be all cloak and dagger about it?”, I plead guilty of the same crime). Suffice to say that when I did this same favor a couple of years back, it sent me spiraling into an emotional tornado. I did it again because I have, since the last time, recovered my poise; nevertheless, I felt a little disturbed; I still am, but nothing that I can’t handle. You’d ask why the heck would I do something that I know would hurt me. Sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do. Some kind of weird karmic thing, I suppose. Besides, I am a nice person, even if I say so myself.
Wow, that must have been the first nice thing I have possibly ever said about myself . Feels wrong.
On a related note. This morning, I was so sick and tired of beating myself up about everything. I decided that I would eat the lunch I cooked, pretending that someone else cooked it. I actually thought it was pretty tasty. Had it really been someone else’s handiwork, I would have complimented them exuberantly. Instead, to myself, I would say “hmm..could the morkuzambu do with one more crystal of salt?”. Oh well.
I am almost at the end of “The end of the affair” by Graham Greene. I just love it. I need to write a review of it soon. I thought it was the “perfect book” until I reached the third part of the book, and I feel, well, it isn’t “perfect” but that’s ok to not be perfect. The story for some reason, reminded me of Anna Karenina, another of my favorite novels. Perhaps because of the underlying motif of intertwined polyamor and religion.
I have been noticing something funny with me. When I like a book, I drag my feet towards the end. I don’t want to complete it. So, while I read the first parts like a maniac, I hem and haw as I approach the end. Weird !
Have a good week ahead folks.