Monthly Archives: January 2019

Free time

I have  two hours to myself and no pressing jobs.  Yes, the kitchen is a mess and I could have used some of that to clean it.  Instead, I chose to not do anything “constructive”.  Perhaps I am learning to let go.

I will recap my new year resolutions and see how I’ve been faring so far.

1. Weight loss efforts.  I have not checked my weight, and don’t want to, but I have been fairly diligent about the health part of it.  I have cut down sugar considerably, and portions sizes too.  There were three transgressions though – the yearly cultural fest was on over the past three days and we bought dinner from the food stalls thrice.  Yes, I ate a lot more than I should have, but it’s ok.  I don’t want to stand around myself with a whip in my hand.

2. Neural health.  I have still not worked out a plan to preserve my neurons.  To my credit, I have been working on deadlines, and all that science writing must have flexed my neurons well enough.  Still, I need to start doing something.  Ideas are welcome.

3. Mindfulness.  I have been trying on and off, but not yet in the levels that I did a few years ago.  Again, it’s ok.  I don’t want to start on fourth gear and stall.  Slow is ok.

4. Compassion.  Dang, I forgot all about that.  Must start.

5. Work. Yes, have been working on stuff I love.  I did take up a small assignment of editing, but this was a continuation of an earlier work, so I didn’t want to pass it on. It’s going to get crazy busy from tomorrow, what with the Pongal festivities adding to the work load.  Oh well, I’ve done it before, and I’ll do it again.

6. Asking for help.  I am such an idiot.  I can’t bring myself to do it.  Mmm..must.

7. I will do a kind act every day.  I will not record it here.

****

 


My state has banned the use of disposable plastics and I am thrilled.  I carry a jolna bag (a cloth sling bag) everywhere I go.  Even at the food stalls, I took boxes with me to pack the food and bring home, rather than have them pack in their bags.  Felt extremely proud of myself

I don’t need anything big to make me ecstatically happy, you know.

***

The three day festival of Pongal starts tomorrow.  I intend to celebrate it.   Tomorrow, I hope to make Boli.

***

My grandmother was admitted in the hospital, from which she never returned, on this day three years ago.  Remembering her.

***

Happy Pongal to all who celebrate.

 

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Eleven days post new year already?

It is quite a cliche, isn’t it – how time flies.  I have yanked out unaffordable ten minutes from serious work to update.  The points and thoughts would be (perhaps, as usual), random.  Bear with me.

  1.  Our home is close to a school (not the one my child goes to though).  Since school reopened, they have been having events almost every day.  Sports, annual day etc. The PA system is fairly loud, and we are subjected to the programs quite a bit.  Today is some event for the lower primary classes – I, II and III.  The chief guest or whoever  said “we need to guide our children gently so that they can slowly understand what they want to be in future”.  My knee-jerk thought was “what about what they are now?”.
  2. The year started with a close marital relative being hospitalised in critical care for breathing issues.  Made a quick dash to their home town, amidst the kid’s exams, my own deadlines etc.  She is marginally better, out of critical care now, but still in hospital, and the guilt I feel is enormous.  The guilt of not being there, although I have made every possible arrangement for them – 24X7 attender, food delivery, etc.  Oh guilt, you are out to kill me.
  3. I have realised that I have double personalities.  The first half of the menstrual month is lovely.  I am everything I want and dream to be.  Calm, composed, collected, unemotional and pleasant.  With the ovulation pains, I can feel the dark side take over, and the mind becomes jumpy, nervous, out-of-control, emotional and unpleasant, all of which growing in a crescendo into unbearable levels until deliverance. The light-to-dark transition is very apparent to me.  I am curious about which of the two personalities would take over once the hormonal see saw ends.
  4. Deadlines looming and I am still not up in full throttle.  Getting nervous

Dang, gotta go.  Shall hopefully write again sometime today.  Too many thoughts.

Also, for those who have not heard back from me on your comments, please excuse the shoddiness.  I shall reply shortly.

In brief…

  •  Threw a surprise party for the kid on her birthday, which turned out to not be a surprise after all. The kid was meddling with my phone and found that I had called a few of her friends.  Nevertheless, she had loads of fun.  I made layered strawberry mousse, which flew like the falcon.  The adults had a spoonful left to taste.
  • It’s the third day of the year, and I am slowly easing into my self-care resolution.  I have reduced sugar intake considerably – just one spoon with my coffee in the morning. Trying to reduce portion sizes as well. Taking baby steps into mindfulness.  Need to start on the exercise routine in earnest.
  • Started working on the many deadlines that will rule the next three months of my life.  The start is a bit slow, as it usually is, but will hopefully pick up steam soon.
  • The nights are chilly, chillier than I remember my city to be.  Perhaps it is the new house with all its ventilation and trees around that makes it chillier than the old one.  Or perhaps the weather IS chillier. Or perhaps I am merely getting old and unable to tolerate the chill.  My kid asks me how I survived Syracuse, I wonder myself.
  • I turned down two editing assignments, and feel liberated.
  • My house is a bit of a mess.  But I keep reminding myself that it’s ok.  I’ll get to the cleaning eventually. Man, it’s hard.  Not the cleaning part, but the feeling-ok-about-the-mess part.
  • Ran into a college junior today on the road.  We were pretty close friends for many years, even across continents, but today’s meeting was awkward and uncomfortable. Strange.
  • I am beginning to not want to talk to anyone now.  I usually go into this mode before my deadlines –  gearing up for all the brain work in store, but this time, the need for silence is stronger than ever, and seems unconnected to my work.
  • My mind keeps running back into all my uncomfortable memories of the past and I deliberately bring it back to the present.  God, I have too many uncomfortable memories, it seems.  Do you?
  • I may have a house guest by the end of this month.  I am mixed about it. On one hand, she is family, and a spirited family member at that. On the other hand, my need for silence and isolation….

 

How has your year been so far?