Author Archives: Gobblefunkist

Oh food, you are out to kill me.

Actually, the title should read, “oh dietician community, you are out to kill me”.

It all started a few weeks ago, when I realised my inner-wear, which usually goes loose with use, actually got tighter.  I knew I was on the upwardly mobile stage in which everything moves up – the weight, the layers, the lack of energy (caught you there, didn’t I?), and the general feeling of ill-health.

I am not a body shammer and give two hoots about looks, but I need to be within a particular range of weight and size to feel physically comfortable. When existing clothes get tight, I find it more appealing to reduce to fit the clothes than shop for larger clothes.  I hate shopping like that.

There are two routes to shedding – work out and/or eat less, the latter being more important than the former for me, because, admit it, half an hour on the stairclimber burns 200 calories, the equivalent of three tablespoons of rice.  Hence, while continuing to climb the stairs, I must attempt to eat fewer calories, as common sense would have it.

I know that my metabolism has reduced in inverse proportion to my laziness to cook healthy food.  The laziness comes partly from the fact that I feed a teenager who needs a high-calorie, high protein diet (within vegetarian limits, if you know what I mean) or she melts into oblivion, and it is a pain to make two different meals, one for her that is packed with stuff she can burn by just existing, and one for the older one, whose clothes dissent even an eyeball of food. The additional work load and familial stress has also led to more and more of swiggying (food delivery service), the results of which, are disharmoniously sung by the ensemble of clothes on me.

When have we, as a species, listened to the sensible part of the brain that says “you know what to do..don’t google”?  Here’s what I learn.

  • Grains are bad because early Homo sapiens didn’t eat grains.  Can you see a single homo sapiens fossil that is overweight?
  •  Grains are good because when Homo sapiens moved from the African forests to the arid savannahs during the ice age, they ate only grains and lived long and happy lives.  We know because they told us.
  • Eat only meat because once the body realises that that’s all it would get, it would burn all its internal organs instead, and when internal organs are burnt, you lose weight.
  • Meat is bad because you will burn in hell because you killed animals.  No matter that you will let your neighbour starve and still go to heaven.
  • Wheat is a killer because of gluten, although when you google for teatime snacks, all you get are not even wheat, but white flour, that is pure and unadulterated gluten.
  • Millets are killers.  Because it is Indian and Indians have traditionally eaten it for centuries and anything that ancient or Indian must be wrong.  And all ancient Indians went about with disfigured necks because they ate too much millets and ended up with goitre.
  • Quinoa is the best food to eat because it costs an arm, a leg and two kidneys, and anything expensive must be good. Also because some white fellow said it is good.  When have white people been wrong?
  • Rice is a killer because I like rice.
  • Coconut oil is out to kill you.
  • Coconut oil is your saviour.
  • Ghee (clarified butter) clogs your arteries
  • Ghee is ambrosia
  • Cheese is bad because cholesterol and stuff
  • Cheese is good because protein and, well, white people eat it all the time.
  • Soy is bad because it can mess up hormones.
  • Soy is good because anything far eastern is better than eastern.
  • You must eat small meals frequently through the day.
  • You must eat two large meals, and not even swallow your spittle in between.
  • Dairy is bad
  • Dairy is good because probiotics
  • Fruits are good
  • Fruits have fructose. Stay away.
  • Starving is good
  • Starving is bad because the body readies for famine and stores fat.

Shopping for clothes is looking increasingly attractive to me.

 

 

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Sharing my world

From here.

If your five year old self woke up in your current body, what would happen, what would you say?

[censor: children close your eyes] Yes, those are what mom has too…they hurt a lot before periods, or in your first trimester, but otherwise they serve a couple of good functions !

What is a relationship deal breaker for you?  Whether you are talking about a romantic one, a friendship or a related to sort of relationship?

I don’t know.  I used to think it was anger, but considering how angry I get these days, I am going a little easy on that one.  I could say “lack of humour”, but someone recently told me that I lack humour.  So, that one’s vague too.

I should say, I could not relate to someone without scruples, but I am increasingly believing that scruples is a matter of opportunity or lack of it thereof.

My cousin once told me that she could never be with someone who had dirty toe nails. I always make it a point to notice her husband’s toe nails when we meet, they have always been clean.  So I suppose she was dead serious about it.

I had another friend who wanted to be with a rich person, but a year after she got hitched to a super rich fellow, he went bankrupt.  They are still married.

So, I really don’t know.

Is there something out there, a thought, an idea, a current event, or a fear that you find deeply unsettling?

Hell yeah. Don’t all of us?  My greatest fear is that some harm befalls my daughter (tap wood, etc.).

And one that is a bit whimsical:

If you were arrested with no explanation, what would your friends and family assume you had done?

Crashed the car.

Finally

What were you grateful for this week?  Something that brought some joy into your world?

That last week is over.  Oh, God, thank you.

Today is Thanksgiving for me

I should really throw more tantrums on my blog to solve my problems.  Sort of.

Things cleared up somewhat since yesterday’s misery.  I refused to go anywhere near the hospital today to preserve my sanity and temper and let the angelic cousin deal with the mess.  And did she!  She got the hospital to discharge my uncle and didn’t rest until the man was deposited in a special bed with hand rails (also her arrangement) in his own bedroom. Hallelujah. The woman is god.

No, the uncle is not well.  He still has tubes coming out of him, but the logistics of hospital stay were getting to be too messy, especially since the cousin and I were the only ones shuttling between home and hospital.  We arranged for a day-night male attendant to attend to the uncle, so that we can monitor him from a distance.  More than me, my cousin needs a break.

I do feel guilty about the fuss I created in my mind and here, but then I deliberately push that aside because I could do without self-bashing right now.

So, the sun peeps out once more in gobblefunkist’s mind, and I thank you for the kind words you have written to me in my previous post.

Another silver lining is that the house guests cancelled their visit, thanks to inclement weather in their whereabouts.  I don’t mind having them around, but…you know…

I did a massive deep cleaning of my house today.  In the process, I felt my mind get cleared as well, although my body does beg me for some pain killers at the moment, but I don’t mind this pain one bit. My house is spotless, and my mind is much less confused and frazzled as it was not twenty-four hours ago.

The nausea stopped. It was stress related after all.

Now, I only have a mountain of work-work to tackle, which, I don’t mind one bit.  In fact, I am looking forward to playing with words and science, which, if you ask me, are infinitely better than emotions and such crap.

And I revoke my hiatus (I revoked it yesterday, if you know what I mean…).  I don’t think I handle life too well if I cannot write my thoughts, inane as they may be, for public exhibition.  And it seems I need to see my thoughts in written word to make sense of them.  Besides, where else can I find friends that can say just the right things and boost me when I am down?

So…

Thank you again….

Feet of clay

Yes, I said I was going to be away, but I need to write.

I am also aware that it’s Thanksgiving, and it’s pretty awful of me to complain when I need to be grateful about a bunch of things.

Nevertheless, I am writing because I need to put into words the indescribable mental state I am in – it is a combination of worry, irritation, fear…but most of all resentment of epic proportions that I never knew I harboured, which make my feet not only of clay, but pretty low-quality clay at that.  I know there’s a lot of dirty linen out there, and yes, I feel guilty about exhibiting those out in the public domain but I may need this for catharsis.

**

But before I start, a small observation about that dog, Karma, which is a very real beast in my life.

When I was in 12thclass, I was burnt out with preparing for the board exams that after the last exam, Biology, I threw the question paper into the dustbin and danced a jig at the relief from nearly 6 months of non-stop, 12-hour/day of studying. Seeing me out and in good mood, one of my teachers asked me if I could help carry her books to the staff room, and very uncharacteristic of me – I cannot say no, so much so that you could use me at your doorstep to keep out the dirt – I said, “no miss, I am done with school and I don’t want to do a thing more in or for this school”; it was partly in jest, but partly true, I suppose.  The shock on the teacher’s face has stayed with me until now.

Today, I asked someone if they would help me with something, and they said an emphatic “no”, in jest, they claimed later, but I saw the teacher’s face in front of my eyes, and I knew JUST what she had felt on that day, 25 years ago.

I am sorry I was an ass, Mrs. Sampath.

 

**

 

I am sure you remember the uncle (dad’s brother) with dementia, whom I have written about.  The man swallowed a handful or two of his dementia pills last week.  My septuagenarian aunt called me frantically that he was lying unconscious, and I got an ambulance and rushed him to the hospital.  He was in ICU for two days, in that limbo land between life and death, but survived enough to be transferred to the room.

So far, so good.

This uncle has no children, and my cousin and I took on the responsibility of his hospital care – both physically and financially.  I must confess that the cousin had done much much more than I have, partly because she does not have too many other commitments (home-maker, no children, husband away on business etc.), but mostly because she is a wonderful person – selfless to the extreme.

The first few days were fine.  But since then, I have been very resentful.  This uncle and aunt have not done a thing for me or my father when my mom died when I was 13, nor have they taken any interest in my (or my cousin’s) life.  In fact, the aunt, when told anything about self, would turn the talk immediately to her relatives, e.g. if I said I made brinjal, her kneejerk response would be “my sister’s daughter makes the best brinjal ” – so much so that I have avoided talking to her.  It’s not a matter of ego (as much), but is just unpleasant.  They did not do a thing to help my cousin when she and her sister struggled with their father’s Parkinson’s disease for a decade. When I complain to my cousin about this, she says “it’s ok.  This is our duty, let’s do it without thinking of anything in the past”.  She is an angel.  I, on the other hand, have two horns and a pointy tail.

**

Perhaps it is the stress of hospital visits, or the drain on the purse, or the fact that the aunt and her beloved relatives, who, I’ve always heard are wonderful in anything, are not doing their part, I am stressed beyond imagination.  Added stress is the work that is piling up.  And house guests next week.  Result?  I am nauseated all the time, can’t focus on anything, and my house is a pigsty because I can’t stand in one place long enough to clean.  Is it resentment?  Is it guilt? Is it exhaustion? Is it madness? I don’t know.

I experienced this state nearly three years ago and did crazy things – went to a shrink but threw away the meds because they scared me, went to an astrologer who said that my life would never look up again, confided non-stop to a friend and probably drove her crazy, and so on, until time healed me.  This time I am very aware of the mental state I am in and am trying hard not to do anything drastic (except perhaps wash the linen out here).

I don’t know why I am sharing this with you –  perhaps for catharsis, perhaps for words of consolation and sympathy, or perhaps for one of you to kick me on my butt to help me get a grip on myself.

Hiatus

Needless to put into words considering how erratic my posts have been of late. Still, I need a proper temporary closure. Here goes.

I am back from my much needed vacation. I have returned to work load that extends from here to March. I seem to have neither the energy nor enthusiasm for informal writing at the moment.

I am taking a blog break of indeterminate duration. I’ll miss you but I am sure I’ll be back.

Happy new year in far advance. Send me energy and grit to face my work challenges ahead.

Bye for the time being.

Rest and rejuvenation

I am finally 325 kilometres from home, on a desperately needed break. My innards did not defy gravity during the car ride, but my head threatens to explode, but gobblefunkist can take the rough with the smooth. Especially on a break.

I write this in my itsy bitsy phone that has a mind of its own, so excuse typos.

I am not looking forward to Diwali with its noise and festivities, but that’ll be compensated by visits to my sanctuary, the temple and the fact that for three days, I would have nothing to do with food except ingestion. I already ignore my family and have entered my ME zone, and will be there until it’ is time to return to my karma bhoomi (place of duty).

Will try and keep writing. Meanwhile, happy Diwali to those who celebrate.