Category Archives: clam bake

Clam bake answers

Brian has a wacky mind.  He comes up with the most hilarious of posts with the stiff upper lip humour that I find charming.  Here are some of his questions and my answers to them.

You are about to leave the house, bordering on the edge of potentially being late for work, when you notice a possibly unnoticeable stain on your smart blouse and/or power tie. Do you take the time to change, confirming your late arrival, or do you flip a finger at convention and continue out the door?

I work from home.  I shop online.  I can do all this stark naked inside my house.  What stains?

You are in the car with your partner/spouse/illicit lover, and partner is driving. One of your favorite songs, ever, comes on the radio. You start to sing along, possibly bellowing, because you may or may not understand boundaries and you just want to teach the world to sing. Partner hits a button and the song is no more. Do you immediately turn this into a Congressional investigation, or do you just let it go, because the driver of the car should be allowed to remove perceived distractions, even though it destroys the soul of your inner Celine Dion?

Reverse.  I am the one to hit the button because the people who normally travel with me and sing along have voices that would put a banshee to shame.  The soul of the inner Taylor Swift (Celine Dion is so passé, don’t you know?) can take a hike.

Have you ever said “I love you” when you didn’t really mean it?

No, I haven’t even said it, because we don’t have an equivalent for “I love you” in Tamil.  I think that phrase is beaten to pulp everywhere and has lost all meaning.

If given the resources and opportunity, would you rather rescue all mistreated animals in the world or develop a program that would eliminate poverty, but only in the five poorest nations?

The poverty thing.  My species, however undeserving it is, comes first in the pecking order.

 A good friend does something extraordinarily insipid. Do you challenge them on this behavior, or do you value the friendship over the action and hold your tongue?

To each her own.  The friend is as entitled to make a fool of herself as I am, who am I to interfere.  However, if it is something dangerous, I would either intervene or escape from the zip code she inhabits, for the rest of my life.

Do you dream in color? Interestingly enough, some people don’t. Even more interesting? Some people don’t know the answer to this until their next dream.

Behold the empress of dreamers.   I dream even while blinking the eye – 20 times per minute.  I don’t dream in colour, or at least I think I don’t.  I have tried to remember the dream and recollect colours, the only time I remember colour was in a gory dream where someone was bleeding profusely and I had to inject their gaping wound with some medication – there was blood all over, and the blood, I remembered was red.

You are standing in the checkout line at a very busy grocery store. You are pressed for time, risking the possibility of being late at your own dinner party, an important one that might result in a promotion at work if things go well. You notice the person behind you only has three items, in contrast to your brimming shopping cart. Do you let them go ahead of you?

Ha ha.  Ever heard of online shopping?  You, my friend, need to get a time machine and come to the present.

Name a comedic actor who is apparently loved by the entire world but you really haven’t cared for any of their movies.

The “world” is too vast and varied, so I will go with “my culture”.

The answer? Every single Tamil movie comedy actor. If Chandrababu and Nagesh were too outdated for me, the later “Comedy” actors gross me out.  They are crass, misogynistic, racist and cheap.  Kamal-Crazy Mohan duo, I like.  S. Ve. Shekar, I don’t mind because he is sensitive to social issues and his humour is fairly clean.  Crazy Mohan by himself is very insensitive and is all kinds of politically incorrect to the point of being offensive. And loud.

What color would describe your personality? If you answer this one, you have to explain why using at least one complete sentence. (Odds are that no one will pick this one, making it the wallflower at the senior prom. Poor thing.)

I could be purple.  A few people love purple, but most are indifferent to it.

Would you be willing to lose one year of your lifespan if it meant that everyone in your family would gain two?

I hate to get all profound and serious on this one – but why only one year?  I’d  be happy to drop down dead right now, if my loved ones would live a better life by that.

 Along those lines, what would you like the epitaph on your gravestone or urn or choice of final resting place to say? (Yes, it’s somewhat morbid, perhaps inexcusably so, potentially making this question even more of a wallflower than #9. But I actually think of this often. Can I summarize what I hoped to do with my life in a single phrase? Should I?)

Last night in a rare mom-daughter bonding hour, my kid and I were talking about a bunch of things. One of the things being legacy.  Both the better-half and the kid want to leave a legacy behind – something that would carry their name forward – something that would render them immortal.  The kid looked at me with fear when I said, I want to implode into myself, and not leave a single trail of existence.  I don’t want an epitaph, I don’t want a gravestone (not that I would get one – I’d probably be burned and ashes scattered somewhere, hopefully, the Bay of Bengal).  I have already left a genetic trail in my daughter, that is enough epitaph for me.

Coffee or tea? Discuss.

I’ll pass this. Boring question begets boring answers !

 Which of these appeals: The opportunity to visit 50 different countries of your choice, taking all the time you need, decades perhaps, but understanding that once you returned home you would have only have the finances to live a modest lifestyle with no frills, comfortable but limited. Or the opportunity to live in one country where every one of your life desires can be met, free to do whatever you want, except cross the border.

The first one.  Definitely the first one.

Complete the following sentence: “I hope for….”

Implosion. Am I morbid or what?

Name the literary character who best represents what you hoped your life would be before you realized all that glitters is not necessarily gold.

Belle from Beauty and the Beast.  What was yours?