Tag Archives: kidspeak

Exam stress

The troubled kid comes for a hug.  While giving her a bear hug, she tells me that she is stressed because of her SST exam tomorrow and her utter under-preparedness.

Mom:  Kanna, don’t worry, this is nothing to be stressed about.

Kid (looking up with eyes full of gratitude and love): really amma? Why do you say that?

Mom: Because this is only quarterly exams in ninth class.  You still have half yearly and finals in ninth, and then you have tenth, eleventh, twelfth…college…

Kid:  Were you dropped on your head when you were a baby?

Walks off in a huff.

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Essay

The 11th grader in the carpool: Our English teacher gives us the most cheesy topics to write essays about.

Inhouse-kid:  Tell me about it.  We were asked to write about “The heart perceives what the eyes can’t see”. Eww.

Mom: You should write about the ant that bit your butt.  Your heart perceived it, your eyes didn’t see it !

Kid:  This is why I see a dark future ahead of me.

Motherhood is overrated

Kid: Mom, you don’t like S’s mom, no?
Me: No, no, Its not that I don’t like her, its just that she is a tiger mom and I feel very inadequate as a mom when I talk to her.
Kid: Don’t be ridiculous. You are adequate.
Me: I am not sure. Other moms take an interest in their kid’s life.
Kid: Oh, you had better not start taking interest in mine. I would disown you.

I have a nagging feeling that this conversation wasn’t exactly complimentary , but I am taking the last request by the kid and running.

Lunar family

Conversation as the kid was leaving for school.

Dad: I think my shorts tore at the back. Please check.

Mom: Oh yeah, that’s a tear alright.

Dad: Good that I am wearing underwear, no?

Mom: Yeah, or else we’d have a double moon vision.

The kid sits on the floor with her head between her knees muttering “I didn’t ask to be born, you know”

Another day in the Gobblefunk household

Kid: What would happen if a werewolf went to the moon?

Dad:  He would no longer be a where wolf. He would be a there wolf.

Kid:  Aargh, appa, be serious. We are discussing something important here.

Mom:  Depends on which face of the moon he would be – man on the dark side, werewolf on the bright side.

Kid: So, the werewolf is not really affected by the moon but by the light of the sun..  wow, wonder why no one came up with that.

They don’t belong to the Gobblefunk family, that’s why.

Haunting

The 13-year old kid and her 12-year old cousin are at the back seat of the car on the way to the beach.  They are discussing the stupidity of horror movies.

Kid:  You know, everything is clear.  Don’t open the door.  Don’t pick up the phone.  What do they do? They open the door. They pick up the phone.  Seriously…what’s wrong with them?

Cousin:  Yeah.  And then, things would go bump at night, windows would slam, yet, the lady of the house would say “it’s the wind”.  What’s with that?

Kid:  And get this.  There is a psycho with a machete outside the back door.  What would the girl do?  Not run to her well-lit neighbour’s house through the front door. Instead she will run into a dark cul-de-sac with the psycho in pursuit.

Cousin: And yeah…what’s with ghosts scaring inmates?  If I were a ghost, and you were the inmate of the house, I would simply tell you – you stay in that room, I will stay in this, we won’t bother each other.  Just give me the Wi-Fi password.

Cousin and kid are truly related by blood, I can see.